that song stuck in your head

When the husband cooks dinner. Hold on to your pants, because we’re about to get fancy:

Sausage and cheese platter:

• 1 Hillshire Farms Beer Brat
• 1 Slice of Kraft American Cheese
• Slice brat into small pieces and put one slice of cheese on top
• Microwave for 30 seconds, then 20 seconds, then 15 seconds.
• Don’t question the chef. 

Shells in a white cheddar cream sauce

• Discard the instructions on the box
• Mix water, milk, and olive oil in a 1 quart saucepan, bring to a boil
• Add pasta
• Mix cheese powder with milk and water in a 1 pint bowl
• Pour cream sauce into the saucepan, bring to a boil
• Serve whilst hot 

Non-alcoholic, caramel champagne

• Open up a can of Diet Coke. 

Now give me that food network contract.